It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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