dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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