Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
