Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
