Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
