someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
