everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
