i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
