Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
