I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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