we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
