yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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