Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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