I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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