Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You are the jesus of drinking
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