my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
