Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
