I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
