I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
