I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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