Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
