Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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