In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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