we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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