i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and she was petting her beer can
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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