Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
