Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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