I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
