is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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