I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
