i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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