I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
