The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
