i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
