i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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