Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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