wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
