she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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