i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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