Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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