Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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