I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
