Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
