The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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