i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
the liver wants what the liver wants
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
