My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
