3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
