I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
