How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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