I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
