the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?