I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER