Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
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WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.