I didn't shave. On purpose
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.