This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
