And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
