I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
