My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
