why didn't you poke me back
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
