Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
