Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
