you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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