I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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