Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
