I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
