it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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