New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
