Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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