Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
