he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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