I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
